Elephant-free Living, Part 3: Elephant-free Parenting

By Pastor Greg Byman
November 18, 2018
St Joe Community Church

​You swore that you'd never (ever, ever...) say that like your father and never (ever, ever, ever...) say that like your mother and, yet, look at who you've become.... Is there an elephant in your parenting? Every parent begins parenthood the same way: a naked baby with no owner’s manual. Years, laughs and tears later, mom and dad have done some things right and other things...less than right. Through it all, God promises that he is bigger than the elephants in our parenting. In this third installment of the Elephant-free Family Life series, Pastor Greg Byman shares some principles about how a biblically-minded dad and mom can, with God's help, lead even the scariest bull elephants out to pasture where they belong, and recover authentic communication the way God designed it.  

Psalm 139:23-24 English Standard Version (ESV)
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart!
    Try me and know my thoughts![a]
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting![b]

Notes

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Transcript

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Today and our 4th will be next Sunday on how to have elephant free lives somebody's name this elephant Fred no names associated with anybody we know personally OK so make sure we know that and somebody not related to someone named Fred named it so just in case you're aware of that but many of you were kind enough and bold enough to give us the name of your elephant that is plaguing your personal life and we heard that and you know you can you can look back on our series of messages and you can listen online and you can see here those list of things that people name their elephants addiction anger self-righteousness other things and they name the fact that these elephants are in their lives and they don't want them in their lives they're trying to get him out of their lives and we talked a couple Sundays ago about how to identify them we talked about how we don't want our elephants to become the family pet and today I want to embark on a conversation about the fact that we don't want these elephants to be inherited by our kids we don't want our kids to have to deal with our elephants we want to take care of it now and I know that you know we're not about killing elephants because you know they're protected species but we need to get him out of our They don't belong in the house wild animals belong in the wild not in domestic life and next week I mean we talk about building walls of protection to keep elephants from infiltrating back into our lives after we've gotten them out of our lives so that future generations don't have to keep dealing with the same elephants over and over and over and over again we don't look at history and learn from history are apt to repeat history right we're using the Life of David as a conversation and his family as a conversation piece and we just heard from his son. Inspired by the Holy Spirit to write down and to as God preserved over the ages the conversation about having wisdom and how he learned that was them from his father We'll break that down in a moment and we're going to talk about some practical ways for us to have parent elephant free parenting in our homes just as a reminder What's an elephant is an obvious problem or difficult situation that people don't want to talk about something that causes embarrassment sadness or arguments it could be a social issue that's being avoided like race religion lifestyle mental illness suicide cultural taboos could be anything that we just don't want to talk about because it's just too uncomfortable we're already past it so I'm this is but but we got to get more comfortable talking about politics I'm getting tired of people given pot shots and conversations and I'm not not in the room here but just we've got to get comfortable saying what we really think instead of just being around the bush and say it trusting our brotherhood and sisterhood of Christian faith that we can handle each other's differences and we can disagree agreeably and if we don't model that in the church we're apt to continue to get worse and worse in our society because who else is modeling that who else has the power God to be able to handle disagreeing with each other agreeably there are good rules of engagement but there's just goods good old fashioned depend on the Holy Spirit to figure out how to talk to one another these elephants in the room need to be dealt with and if anybody's going to deal with that the body of Christ and do with it I want people in this community to say that church deals with elephants and they're willing to name the situation that's plaguing their lives so they can get it out of there move on move forward. I mentioned in my 1st serious how you identify elephants and I want to really quickly look at Psalm 139 kind of as a as a as a launching pad this morning to remind ourselves of our 1st lesson in this and you can read it you can read it online in detail and you can listen to it online in detail but I want to look at Psalm 139 to remind ourselves of how we deal with elephants how we identify them and get them out of our lives we 1st of all this whole thing is we've got to come humbly and honestly to the probe to the problem humbly I can't handle this on my own and I honestly this is the actual problem you know half a conversation that I have with somebody in my office about a problem now seems like in this church you guys get it you get around to the problem much more quickly but there's some people that just get around the bush round of us but tell me what you really need to talk about what is this really going on well I got this big tumor out the side of my body and I got to get it dealt with thank you and the doctor says this is what we got to do about it a doctors has to diagnose quickly a medical situation suing fix it and we can't deal with spiritual problems until we know what the real spiritual problem is and the issues of why don't really know what the spiritual problem is well and that's part of this series is for you to self identify by the power of God and His Word to identify what's the elephant what's the real root problem that's going on that's hindering authentic relationships in my family in my life what's keeping me from being real in front of people and it's the fear of and we just put the word in there I'm afraid of this well how does God see it that's the 1st question some 23123 it says Search me of God and know my heart test me know my concern and see if there's any offensive way in me and lead me in the everlasting way I'm not going to go through all these but here how does God see my situation what does he see what's his view point. What's the one thing I'm avoiding to talk to him about what are my true motives when I go to prayer time is it all about serving me and feeding my elephant or is it about getting the elephant out of my life when I'm anxious or nervous when is that what topics really bother me the most to talk about you're getting really close to what your elephant S. Were my at fault how have I contributed to feeding how many peanuts have I brought to this problem thinking that feeding my elephant would solve it and what does God want me to do about that right now that's what we're talking about so that's how you identify it and here's some general signs to go along with that elephants are hindering authentic relationships in your life authenticity honesty transparency there are there it's that elephant is stopping you from having the kind of relationships that God has always and that you hunger for that God wants you to have and that you're hungering for elephants tell us that we can't speak about certain issues no no don't go there. Doing that no no no we'll talk about that. George is in the room he's the elephant when I talk about now there's a right way to wrong way to identify elephants in your family don't go this Thanksgiving you got all armed for bear. OK OK Pastor told me I can call it out you're this year this year this year this year this get it out of here or I'm not eating turkey Iran taking my turkey to the front porch because I'm still eating turkey I don't care what opens in the room. And you may not have the authority to fix the elephants in your family extended family I mean just give you caviar to that you may not have the spiritual authority or the or the collateral trust of your family to be the elephant get away or you may not be that person. And while I'm not saying live with the elephant I'm saying you live with the elephant because you're you're out we're talking about your personal home as for me and my house we will serve the Lord you're going to be in other people's houses who have chosen not to serve the Lord you've going to be another houses that they've serve the Lord but with with conditions and they decided to let elephants roam free in their home and it may just absolutely just bother you to no end and you're going to roll your eyes and your Look at your spouse or your Look at your kids and they're going to elephant but you can't doing about it so don't go in I mean and live to see another day OK Hey I mean live for thanks to me Thanksgiving scam and you might say one thing but you've got Christmas coming up you might get say the 2nd thing that time it took God 400 years to get from David to Jesus sat right Dave Pastor Dave's about 400 years from Dave King David De Jesus yes and it took about 400 years to get from Moses to David Saul they were like the judges and all the craziness. There was crazy times God took a long time to get us ready for what we needed so I don't think this can all happen overnight OK and next week I'm going to talk about the fact that there are some things that while I believe you can can be completely free of elephants but there are things that even you and I and our generation may not solve that the next generation is going to solve better faster I'm not giving you a lack of hope that it can happen for you I'm just saying God's timetable different use than ours how many here have a microwave How many here have a crockpot How many here use the microwave more than the crockpot. How many is a crockpot more than a microwave OK Those of you that use a crockpot know it takes time for something really good. And a microwave can be really good but but usually the microwave heats up with the crockpot made you want to grow a forest it takes time you want to grow of thing a weeds 3 weeks one week 3 days. You want to be a waiter in Oak do you want your family to be way swayed in the wind blown away by the next or you want to be strong and firm with roots takes time so be patient with the process but but elephants are are are roaming around and telling us we can't speak about certain issues you may not be able to speak about certain issues in the extended family that you're about to go see but you need to be willing and able to tackle those issues carefully and responsibly in the confines of your own home because if you can't deal with that there we're going to deal with it practice in your home 1st your own home I remember there was a story history lesson about these famous preachers John Wesley was a famous preacher the Wesley and the Methodists came from that those which is now a convergence of many called the United Methodist Church and he was in England and he was a horseback rider you go from town to town and preach the gospel on open air conversations and he had a wife. For all practical purposes what's the clinical word she was nuts and she would come up and she would say not doing it at home he's not doing it at home and she walked in front of him and just lambaste him from the well that's kind of thank you Benita she does that at home and tells me that no no no no she sees says very honest with me about you know you could have said that a little slower or not that you didn't finish your point OK Thank you she you don't worry about I got my favorite. My most trustworthy critic and with critique not like critical but good person in my life but he would do that you know you don't need to be the next case that's run around yelling at people but guess what if your family's not willing to deal with it then you don't need to be dealing with other people's families that's why I'm saying if you're not willing to tackle it in your own life then deal with it with your kids and your spouse then don't be thinking about talking to grandpa about as relevant because where's your Where's your integrity to have dealt with that in your own life and finally elephants are controlling our parents decisions that's what's when when you are when you are. Shielding your conversations or when you are withholding discipline because you don't think you have the moral high ground of any kind to say anything because well I did that too and I'm just going to let them do that too and and you know that an elephant is still in control of your life and it's control your parenting and it needs to be stopped gotten out of there period end of discussion so how do we do that in Proverbs Chapter 4 let's go there we've already heard it read out loud I'm not going to read it out loud but but this story is Solomon talking about his dad and who is his dad David and what was the big sin that David committed last week we talked about it adultery and then after that he committed murder if any father didn't have the right to say anything you would think it would have been David and any kid was going to be screwed up more than any other kid you think it would have been the kid of the wife that he married after he'd had an affair with her and killed her husband you think solemn be the most messed up this functional son anybody could ever have. And yet Solomon came out as a shining star example now there were some things that he had do with them we'll worry about that today but very interesting story about Solomon later on but Solomon Terran doubt that he actually heard some things that his dad told him and he actually worked on getting some elephants removed from his family tree how do we do that well 1st of all if elephant preparing is a 2 way conversation it's children and parents and Solomon is saying to kids listen to your parents how many here still have a living parent raise your hand up kids look around how many adults still have living parents look around kids we're still listening to our parents I think right OK so we thought well I don't know if AM We still got to listen to our parents they still have wisdom and just because elephants trample all over their lives possibly hopefully not but possibly doesn't mean they don't have something positive to add to your life and give you some words of wisdom it requires a listening ear and it starts with children listening to our parents we need to learn for their successes and failures not every funeral but at certain funerals when I feel like the crowd can handle it I'll say you know this person wasn't perfect now we say that every for no really but we know that's true but some people they censor it in the not so perfect in their life and they'll go yeah Joe was kind of he was kind of a party or or Sadly I've had to do funerals for people who have had drug overdoses and everybody knows that it's the elephant in the room and everybody knows that's what happened to that guy or girl and so you kind of gently say learn what NOT to do based on what they did. We can always learn from somebody even if it's a mistake or a sinner or something way out of bounds we can learn from that so children listen to your parents even if they don't look perfect by the way there are no perfect parents and you won't be either you're not going to be perfect parents either so don't expect your parents to be perfect God put them in your life to annoy you no no that's not true. And God gave us children as guinea pigs but the games begin. Parents lead spiritually even if your past wasn't spiritual David still dumped wisdom into his son's life even though he was a very unwise man stone stopped giving wisdom now we can talk all in there's lots of great books on. How to carefully do that had to build trust to make that happen but don't give up the moral high ground because you were moral At one point your life and if you were having kids outside of wedlock or you did that and you knew you had an absurd and there's no child by the way there's just I'm a surprise on your part and that God didn't get surprised either when that happened and you don't have to say well I can't talk about sexual purity because I have one sexually but guess what just admit it get that elfin out the room say I won right when I did this but I want you to be right once you do the right thing I want the right things to happen to you and just because I did that doesn't mean that I want no Truth is truth regardless of the messenger period it's true whether you did it or not again all of us are imperfect we all have dirty feet and God is cleaning all of us up by His grace and His power so we all have the authority of God's word to tell people what to do not always necessarily everything we did see your children are going to suffer repeat your history if you don't tell them what to do. Do you really want them to keep experiment in the way you experimented and kind of figure it out or do you want to say guess what I figured out some things the wrong way and let's help you figure out things the right way so you don't get through the same problems I went through we don't give out the moral high ground because we weren't moral At one point in our life if that's the case I'm done preaching if you're looking for a perfect messenger there isn't a single ordained minister in this church that can get up here and preach. End of discussion and that's true with parenting use past pain for future gain catapult and to feel positive in say well I can I can't redo my life but you can start yours right the more we don't talk about the things that we didn't do right the more the elephant will grow that's peanuts and a circus and how many love to live in a circus see God never wastes a hurt and he's not going to waste your herd and right now there's some of you and you're going but it's so tender pastor I'm my elephant is still like he's barely out of the room pastor I have to bring that up I'm just I'm just saying that sometimes in your weakest moment you'll be your strongest advocate for what God wants to happen in somebody's life and by the way we're going to talk about this in a moment you can't do this by yourself you need God to help you anyway so it's not about how much you can do it's what God wants to do through you and by the way if you're a child of God There is no more shame you don't live in shame anymore I don't live there anymore it's gone the past is the past and when you bring it up to Jesus he goes wait a minute didn't you see you must have asked me to forgive you of that awhile back because I don't remember anything about what you're talking about your past sin. Because he says as far as the east is from the West he were remove our sins and He will what remember them no more and as a Christian I've had people come up to me and say well you remember what what I was for it came to this church and as a human we do kind of remember people we see we see that we think about something but you know what I tell people all the time I can be I I have intentionally chosen to forget and I really do try to have short term memory about people's past because it's not up to me to worry about their shame from the past it's not about that it's about where they are now I'm more concerned about where you are now where you're going I'm more fit to be tied for people that don't want to go anywhere where they currently are than I am about someone who's moving forward that has a past sometimes I'm more excited about someone who has a terrible past that God has graciously put forward and they're moving forward than a person who has not much of a past like that at all and they don't want to do nothing for God at all sometimes someone with a past has more motivation than someone who's just meandered along all their life I'm telling you God doesn't ways to hurt don't let shame shame and secrecy feeds elephants we can't talk about that that's the part that's a family secret we can talk about that really they all know it and it's not a secret it's just something you're not allowed to talk about which is not a secret that's called gossip get it out of the gossip category put it in they were talking about a category be respectful of past be respectable people don't try to fix the past generation just say it's for me in my house we're going to try to serve lore and figure this out together God's way. Sophie agents chapter 4 gives us that and we're going to be gone today if you just chapter $4.00 and $5.00 and the 1st part of her 6 and we're going to read the whole passage but I want to review what we talked about last week in our marriages is that we're trying to get at this thing how to have elephant free parenting it starts the same way it did when we're having elephant free marriages and that is in verse 4 Chapter 4 verse 15 chapter 4 verse 15 of iffy Jance and let people get there by the way it's all good you can look at thread for those of you that are already there are at let's look at verse 15 but speaking the truth in love let us grow in every way and to Him Who is the head Christ we need to speak the truth in love we need don't need to speak the truth out of vindication or been diction on trying to get if anybody in your family thinks they have become your project that's a problem no no no we're speaking the truth in love it's in a relationship with each other Josh McDowell a great apologist for the Christian faith when I was a teenager he was the big guy at least Robel is kind of the big guy right now talks about sin writes books and podcast and everything about the Apologetics is about defending the faith and talking about how the faith is true and right and we can are argue we can discuss it candidly in the public square up against other religions and faiths but Josh McDowell used to say rules without relationship equals rebellion we've got to have rules or there's rebellion. We've got to have a relationship with our kids or there's rebellion but we've got to have them at the same time if you have rules without a relationship with your kids all they see is your real keeper and they're going to go out from under it as soon as they leave house and they're not going to care but if you have a relationship and it's all about loving your family but never giving them boundaries they're going to rebel because they have no idea what the rules are to do to the new life so rules without relationships equals rebellion you've got to have these conversations long before they go to college you have to talk about your elephants long before they start going to high school even and start admitting where we've come from as a family and the generational secrets that have caused chaos in our families we've got to talk about we've done that in our family kids this is where we came from this is where some things that went sideways with past generations and here are some things that could potentially plague you if you don't openly understand where you need to go as an adult some day and that openness and candidness and the truth with love it's in a relationship I want my kids to look right not because they're the pastor's kids kind of helps right OK But honestly I want to look right because I want to be right Alan to live right I want them to enjoy a great life and I've sold my kids more than once I I expect you to obey what God said and I expect you to obey me as a father because it's the right thing to new not because on the pastor no make me look bad in fact you don't ever worry about that ever because if you're not my project to make me look good you're God's gift to this family and we're responsible to raise you up the way he wants you to be raised to live the life he wants you to live period end of discussion and they I have any control at this at certain you know my boys are in college. I'm thankful for them looking for a church family I'm thankful for them want to serve God I'm thankful for the way they're making their decisions but at the end of the day I can't choose for them whether they're going to serve the Lord and their families I'll know when my grandkids love Jesus whether or not we actually got through to them and maybe my great grandkids if I live long enough to see that but that's not up to me it was up to me to give them the foundation they need and then they've got to move forward and be owning that decision on their own I can't do form we speak the truth in love and in 1st for 15 It also says there that we're growing up to be like Jesus aimed for spiritual maturity not just keeping a set of rules to look good in front of other people do I love it that my kids look good in public is how yeah it makes it easier at the store and I can only think of one incident major incident where the store was absolute chaos and I let Joel tell you that story he know that's a public story by no means but I don't and that's the thing as a pastor I don't throw him under the bus and conversations even though my daughter or address that had elephants all over it last Sunday I had no idea irony. Yeah it makes for an easier parenting out in public but the reality is. We're trying to build character and character takes time this is not an overnight process character takes time and it takes you know 15 to 18 years it takes actually 10 to 12 years 1314 years and then there's that safety net of like knowledge 152-2223 where you still have a little bit of a safety net if they've gone to college especially throughout the world and have and families and all that the safety net kind of snaps away a little bit more so but you're kind of giving them some some They're independent but they still have a safety net of families kind of and then and then they're kind of now they're moving forward. And then Chapter 6 children. Obey your parents in the Lord because this is right on your father and mother which is the 1st commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land and fathers don't stir up anger in your children but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord was close out here this this whole thing about living in the spirit depending on God's power I skip that I apologize depending on the power of God verse 18 Don't be drunk with wine that be filled with the spirit in other words it's not yes don't get drunk that's good but what he's trying to say is it's you to be controlled by the flash are you controlled by God You want to be controlled by the flesh bad you just craziness but you be controlled by God just as passionately as someone is controlled by the world or by the flash or by alcohol is talking on this passage you need to be controlled by God You can't be the parent God wants you to be without being controlled by God your ultimate your heavenly Father needs to be in control of you or you'll be out of control that's a gut check for us parents how much we talk to God about our kids. As compared to what we've talked to our kids about God. Children obey your parents that's it we're done so good just do that we're good NO NO NO NO. It says here that's the right thing to do but did you know that you can actually the Bible says here that you might actually lengthen your life and that you'll be more prosperous if you obey your parents. As you know that that's that's the one with the promise which is the 1st commandment with a promise the 10 Commandments says I am your father mother and then that it may go well with you and that you may have long life in the land you want to shorten your life don't obey your parents I'll take you out no that's not true that's not true. That's wrong and in this day and age I shouldna said that. Strike that from the podcast Chris I know. But honestly you're in the danger zone if you're going to be rebellious at home because you have more leeway and more safety to be rebellious then when you have a job and kids and you become rebellious at work and suddenly you're out of a job because you didn't you know the guys that go to the Marines in the military Stephen is going to do great in the military you know why because he was respectful in the home he's always been respectful of you and your husband and Stephen is now in the Army and he's that basic training still he graduated as we're now so he's in a zone is a special schooling in Arizona now after basic training and you know why he passed with flying colors because he knew how to learn he learned respect at home he figured it out and they didn't they were good parents but they but he figured it out he was a good material he figured it out and it was a breeze to listen to a sergeant tell him what to do and yell and scream at him because cloudy heads green data no I'm getting no no. We're friends are friends but no he could get it he figured it out Mark sightings of Pat He's a funeral director his son passed flying colors in the Marines you know who had the problem the guys who didn't have respect for their parents and the Marines were weed them out left and right send him home because they couldn't respect authority you learn how to respect authority by respecting the authority God gave you when you were born and it will go well with you for a long time so it starts kids you know how we don't get elephants in the house you help mom and dad by letting them at least start talking to you about stuff and being trusted with greater things than just pick up your clothes and brush your teeth and now you talk about the bigger things in life the things you really want to talk about to be honest and fathers parents do not. Stir up anger in your children do not exasperate your children I think is one verse lead carefully be present and use God's word to train them lead carefully moms and dads this is not a power trip because I said so works only so long because I said so because a car is coming in you're going to get run over but it's the right thing to do because you don't play in traffic that's a bigger principle of character not just following rules and if you have to scream your way into submission getting your kids to submit you've lost the battle and they've won. We'd be present be where your feet are in the home men's fraternity highlighted the fact that there are a lot of men who come home with their not home long before cellphones by the way you put down that cell phone put down that social media put down the remote control the T.V. when you had dinner together our rule has been no social media no phones and before all that happened it was no T.V. We turned the T.V. off we sat around the table and stared at each other it was a fun every single sun while I was eating I and I enjoyed eating was it loud Occasionally yeah I was there some I can't believe these are my children yeah was it I can't believe those are my parents yeah OK but you get through those times to have some good times and there's no way you're going to learn how to get along with each I let you go do something together and be together and you'll be where your feet are you know we went kayaking before the boys all went back to college for Grant went to college. You learn a lot when you kayak as a family I always say premarital couple you ought to go canoeing before you get married or get on a tandem bike my wife and I still in counseling from the last time we were on hand. Who's in control. And I don't trust you I will I will let you sugar out who is asking the questions dads moms we need to be present and we need to use the word of God as our authority so why is that true well that's true because I said so only goes so far as true because it's right and God's word said so don't let em guess where your truth came from elephant preparing question is this morning do you want do you love your children more than your elephants because if you're feeding your elephants in your parenting you're saying that your elephants are more important than the future of your children you're scared I know you're scared you've never lived without this elephant and we were taking care of it all these years and Dad took care of it and he handed it off to me and it's just been the family problem we used to say that's the Irish in me as an excuse for exploding and being angry and we just kind of let it happen and we pet the elephant and it got bigger and bigger bigger until the kids saw the elephant and not their dad and mom what we're saying is. We've we've got a problem and we've got it and eventually used feed what you want to grow stop feeding the elephant it will stop growing start feeding your family God's truth and your family will start growing spiritually how do we how do we start this morning come humbly and honestly before they go before the Lord and finally one last thing before we go team once you come on up here will you let somebody into your circle to help you with your elephant see around here we really do believe that family the spiritual family of God is the critical component of getting spiritually healthy in our homes and if you're just stop and in for a sermon. And some of you you preferred a sermonette for Christian ads OK Anyway you just want a little something to get by the week and you never going to crack the Bible open after this and you're just thinking by coming on Sunday morning that's all you need you've missed the whole point of St Joe starting out in the 1st place so we believe that authentic relationships meant we had to form and develop authentic relationships with people beyond our church family beyond our own family and that's why having a fellowship meal tonight is important to us not just a ritual that you do because it's Thanksgiving I really do believe that eating turkey together or if you're a vegan whatever else is there more turkey for me. If you're here and that's and you just hang out with us say well I have a hard time never get over it you're going to just kept you with us hang out with us enjoy the fellowship Why don't get a ride if you need a ride I can get here because we just value being together being with as much as the supper table is important to a family the fellowship meals important to the spiritual family coming on Sunday morning is great you need to have that rhythm in your life that you know that small groups are important if you want to real authentic relationship with other people you need to be in circles with people not just in rows because I doubt that most of the people most room shared a prayer request with the person in front of them in the road today because you were not meant for that this morning and that's OK so you've got to have a large group participation have small group Bible study and then serving tonight we're not about people serving you need to give yourself away we give you vehicles by which you can build develop relationships maybe even stronger friendships and relationships than you even have in your own family to model what it means to be family so that you can go home and try to start modeling it in your family especially if you don't have a family full of Christians you might be married to someone who's not a Christian. That we can give you some encouragement on how to develop those relationships in a difficult circumstance that you might be in right now God help you but let God's family help you to move forward to get rid of the elephants in our parenting last week in our marriage and week before just generally get him out of our lives and next Sunday we're going to talk about how to get out of our future legacy as a family but stand or feet maybe the 1st step for you is I don't have any power to do this I feel simply helpless Welcome to the club but if you don't have Christ in your life and you don't have you have not made that 1st step of getting the elephant of sin out of your life to say bye elephant is I'm refusing to put my faith in Jesus Christ I want my put my faith and my feelings and what the world tells me to do instead I'm telling you get rid of that elephant right now because Jesus died for that elephant to get out of your life and trust in Him to forgive you and to give you the power to do what he wants you to do put that on that connection card I want to trust in Christ today I want to live more for him I whatever the cards you need to write down so that we might help you to move forward in your faith step towards Jesus Christ Father God help us to honor you with whatever it is you've asked us to do this morning I feel like we this is in the 22 bullet that's hit one person this is like a shotgun that's put scattered all kinds of things all over the room and we've all been hit spiritually in one where the other and we've all been pierced in our soul for in one's conversation or something that came through and so help us all collectively Lord I don't know what that is I don't know how to answer everybody's questions I don't know what all of these circumstances but you do and may you be as real in person with them as they as everyone needs you to be right now and I pray this in Jesus' name and help us to have the courage to step forward in our favor.