By Pastor Greg Byman, to the SCBI Men's Retreat
Highland Lakes Camp, Indiana
September 8, 2017


​Communicate to Change Lives

1.      Who will I be communicating with?  Men, youth, senior adults, middle aged adults, mostly church guys, some lost guys, some growing guys, some guys who don’t care about growing.  Many will be married, with kids, some are single, some married and no kids,·         what are their needs?   They need to be encouraged, built up, challenged, healed from past wounds, delivered from addictions, feel respected.  They need to know God loves them in spite of any shameful past or current failures.  

• what are their hurts?  Some have failing marriages, rebellious kids, dealing with no spiritual father, some are unemployed and feeling worthless.  Some are dealing with physical problems, emotional problems, depression, thoughts of suicide. 
• what are their interests?   They enjoy sports, hunting, fishing, sex, doing projects, driven to succeed and to accomplish things.  They may enjoy their careers, their families, their marriage.  Some truly want to get better, get the most out of this men’s retreat.  Some enjoy spending time with other guys, and some enjoy just being alone. 

2.      What does the Bible say about their needs? The Bible says that we were meant to invest ourselves in other people, that the definition of success and legacy is that we have people who live beyond us who will carry on our values, take our baton and continue on a new segment of the race.  Paul told Timothy to raise up more men who would raise up more men.  Jesus said ‘go make disciples of all nations”.  Moses raised up leaders, and especially raised up Joshua.  When we are developing people spiritually, it also develops us.  Paul said “imitate me” which means he must have been working on being a person worth imitating, especially in light of the fact that he openly admitted that he struggled with sin.    

3.      What is the most practical way to say it?·        

• aim for a specific action  Start helping someone else do what you do to grow spiritually! Not just what you do, but how you do it, your spiritually healthy attitude, your plans to overcome sinful habits,
• explain the benefits You will begin to examine your own life more closely.  You will enjoy knowing that what you have built in your own life will not just disappear when you die.  You will become less selfish and start thinking about how to serve others more carefully. 
• show them how    Admit you are going to die!  Stay humble. Openly identify who you are developing.  Keep teaching and training.  Point them to God alone.  Affirm them publicly



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5.      What is the most encouraging way to say it?·        

• reinforce their faith God wants to use you in a mighty way to make an impact well beyond your lifetime!  The only way we do this is to develop others spiritually.    
• renew their hope  You can do this!  God is already at work in you, developing you, using other men to shape and mold you into the likeness of Christ.  Just as God is using other men to grow you spiritually, so also God wants you to enjoy doing the same for other men.
• restore their love  God’s love has never failed you!  Sometimes we refuse to realize how valuable we are to God because we keep thinking we have nothing valuable to give to others.  You need to have other men affirm that God is using you! 

6.      What is the simplest way to say it?·        

• condense message to one sentence    I want listeners to grow spiritually by helping others to grow spiritually
• avoid “religious” terms  I don’t care what you call it, discipleship, mentoring, coaching, developing, training.  Call it what you want.  The point is to figure out how God has helped you to become more Christ like, and help other men around you become more Christ like too 
• keep outline simple  Remember your dash (you don’t live long), Stay humble (admit your sins, face your failures, trust God’s plan), Take a long time to do it (learn to “be with” your kids, the men you are developing, teach, train, reinforce the right attitudes), Publicly affirm who you are developing (let them know you believe in them, let others know you believe in them).  Point them to God (this is not co-dependency!  The goal is for them trust in God, not trust in you.  Push them out of the nest.  Challenge them.  Don’t micromanage them once you have developed them; let God do that!)

·         make applications the points 
7.      What is the most personal way to say it?  My dad taught me so many things.  I never became an engineer.  I am not prone to spend hours at a time working in cold temperatures in an unheated barn fixing things.  When I need something fixed, I often call him to do it for me!  But I learned from him how to hear from God, how to stay committed to what was important spiritually even when others in the church didn’t care. My dad gave me a way of living that I think about to this day. 

8.      What is the most interesting way to say it? I have 4 children with 4 distinct personalities.  My first eagle has flown to college this year, tough!  Did I teach him well?  Did I share enough?  Did he see something worthy of imitating?  What about my failures, my fears, my hang ups?  Did those handicap his walk?  I have always prayed my kids would succeed more spiritually than me, that they would stand on my shoulders and solve problems I couldn’t solve.  My oldest called me two weekends ago to just tell me that he was grateful for how I stayed the course as a dad even while pastoring our church.  My second oldest also blessed me the other night when he was explaining how one of his former friends was going down a wrong path in life now that his step dad was gone.  That step dad had been strict, and my son thinks his friend might be a better kid today if he had been around that strict step dad.  Grant gets it.  Discipline makes us better and keeps us out of trouble!  He knows it isn’t about rules, its about a way of life, and rules get us there.  My boys are catching what we are teaching them.  I haven’t apologized to our church spending my evenings at school events, for missing Saturday men’s breakfasts because that is when my kids are playing ball, and sometimes it was when I was coaching them.  I never made the church nor our children compete with each other.  I was a pastor and I was a dad.  I have to do my job, and I never apologize for long hours, emergency runs at odd hours, and the need to take them with me when I visited funeral homes, hospitals and homeless shelters.  They get a front row seat as we peer into families during major life events.  And, I have to be a dad and husband.  I schedule myself out, study in the car waiting for their practices to be over.  I let my voicemail take the call.  I don’t touch my phone during dinner time.